i miss you.

It's okay to be sad sometimes. I know for me, that's not an easy concept. 

We learn to be strong, to be graceful, to be "a rock" when faced with loss. Whether that loss is a job, a relationship, a dream, your health, or the death of a loved one, the process is the same. According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying, there are 5 stages to loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. How we each experience these stages is individual and personal. It is important to give yourself the space and freedom to feel and experience the richness that exists within these emotions.  

And, it is true, it does change with time... I can't say it's exactly "easier" but it certainly becomes different. It's not easy. It's never easy. But honor your feelings, honor yourself, and do your best. A loss is not a reason to give up. It is an invitation to shift your focus, to set your intention, to move forward. Share yourself with those you love, take the time to enjoy what moves you, live your passion.

And sometimes the feelings will sneak up on you. Feel it. Enjoy it (even if it makes you cry a lot). Let it move through you. Be thankful that you loved someone (or something) so much that you feel it so powerfully... even many years later. Take care of yourself. hope you're well, big kiss xxtbone

make space

Hi friends, sorry I have been out of touch for so long. I am thrilled to share that I have been moving in to a new apartment. And this process has taught me a few things to say the least. If you don't live in New York City, these ideas can still apply, but here in NYC space is such a luxury we can all use more of.

Whether you're moving too or just starting fresh for the new year, it's always good to clean out the old stuff to make room for the NEW. Now, that "stuff" doesn't need to be actual "stuff" it can be ideas, emotions, energy, habits... but it can also mean great new stuff :)

Spring Cleaning is a great idea, but it can happen any time of year... any time you want to shake things up, start fresh, invite a change. I've been doing some reading lately about Feng Shui as I have been thinking about how to decorate my new place, and some of the ideas really resonate with me, perhaps they will with you too. 

• Keep an open pathway for energy to flow. I like this idea especially in the wintertime when we are less likely to open windows to bring in fresh air. This can mean a literal clutter free path, or a visually open pathway to allow the movement of ideas and energy. It will help clear thing up if you've been feeling stagnant. 

• An often overlooked area of this is in corners, it's easy to stick things in the corner. Think about why they get stuck in the corner in the first place. When was the last time you cleaned out your corners? Believe me, I know how easy they are to forget about :)

• Make sure you can open all doors easily with nothing blocking their path. Are you storing anything behind your doors keeping them closed? Keep the energy moving forward, and your possibilities open.

• Clean out your space. This goes beyond the regular scrubbing. Go through your collections, closets, bookshelves, etc. If your shelves, drawers, closets are full there is no space open for anything new. You could be closing yourself off from new opportunities entering you life. 

These simple suggestions can make a big change. I invite you to see if there is anything in your way that you can get rid of. Ask yourself if it's still serving you. Would it help to let it go? What could you be making room for? A new relationship? A new career opportunity? A new sofa?

And, while it feels good to get rid of the old stuff, it also feels good to give to those less fortunate. You don't need to throw your gently loved items in the trash, please find a local charity to take your donation such as your local Goodwill or Salvation Army. Or you can have a party with your friends to swap stuff. It's a fun way to recycle, get new things without spending any money, and a great reason to get the gang together! (and whatever is left over can then be donated) 

Happy New Year! Best wishes for a prosperous and healthy 2010. hope you are well, xxtbone

stretch it out

Have you ever noticed when you get stressed in life, your whole body feels more tense? I think it has something to do with the "fight or flight" response, you become ready for battle. I know a lot of people who run to the gym to work out their issues and to "blow off some steam" with a tough work out. Which is great, but... I would like to offer this bit of advice: stretch it out. You'll find the benefits of stretching will extend far beyond the simple fact of stretching your muscles, tendons, etc.

In addition to the obvious benefits of stretching, such as improved circulation, and increased mobility in your joints... You will feel more open.

Your increased flexibility in your body will translate into feeling more flexible in your everyday life. Those little things that bother you may just bounce right off or you may be better able to bend with them rather than fight against them. You'll also gain a sense of accomplishment as small challenges become more manageable. Take the time to notice the areas of tightness in your body, breathe and give them the space they need to work them selves out. This also helps you to do the same when faced with a challenge in your day. You'll also notice that it becomes easier the more you do it, your body will love you for it, and all you encounter will be thankful. Soon enough you'll be doing those splits again! Hope you're well, big kiss xx tbone

zzzzz...

There was a time, in the not too distant past, when I would self medicate with a shot of Nyquil before bed. It was impossible for me to quiet the thoughts racing in my head each night when I tried to go to sleep. The soft fuzzy feeling of Nyquil was just the thing I needed to doze off. Until it didn't work anymore.

I tried Ambien, but it kind of freaked me out. I didn't like the idea of needing a prescription to sleep at night. Additionally, I was not able to guarantee that I would have the necessary 7hrs per night of sleep to avoid the hallucinations and crazy feeling that go hand in hand w the Ambien induced sleep.

I am happy to report that these problems are now in my past. And I looooooove sleeping.

Here's some tips to help you recover your right for a good night's sleep:

Eat early and try to make dinner your smallest meal.-- Your body works hard to process what you put in it. You want it to be able to relax and rejuvenate while you are sleeping. Give it the time it needs to do its work before heading to bed. Eat a good breakfast and lunch, you don't need as much energy in the evening after dinner. Give yourself the time to wind down.

Turn down the lights.-- Give yourself time before you try to sleep for your body to know that it is night time. In our modern age where it can be as bright as day 24-7 it can be hard on your internal clock. When the lights go down you release the melatonin that tells your body it's time to sleep. How can you expect your body to know it's time to sleep if you don't let it get the message. It especially helps if you can make this happen at the same time every day.

Take time for yourself and treat yourself well.-- Get the exercise, relaxation, meditation, that you need to keep your mind and body healthy. Drink water, eat whole foods.

Your body needs this time to relax and enjoy the state of lowered blood pressure and rejuvenation. This will help you to reduce your risk for high blood pressure, and boost your immunity, as well as give your body a chance to protect itself from other ailments such as heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. Keep in mind, there are certain things we all crave (food, water, intimacy, sleep) and when one is out of balance we crave another. If you don't get enough sleep it is normal to crave that "morning cake." Hope you are well, big kiss xxtbone

what I learned from swine flu

Last week I got the flu. The flu is the pits. Watch out for it.

Here's what happened. I was feeling fine, going about my life traveling on the subway as I do to get to and from work and this man behind me was sniffling and hacking and I thought, "great, I'm about to get swine flu." Now, I don't know if I caught the flu at that moment as his sickness did not match my symptoms but like everyone, especially those in NYC who come in to contact so closely with so many people daily, it was and is constantly on my mind.

So, mid week, let's say Wednesday night, I came home feeling really tired and cranky faced with dinner to make. I blamed the it on waiting too long to eat between lunch and dinner, but just wasn't feeling right. Later I got the chills up my back and started with an ear ache and sore throat. Bed time.

The next morning when I woke up for work, I just didn't feel good. I was laying there remembering the times in grade school when I would fake sick because I just wanted to stay home from school and then when my mom would take me to the doctor it would turn out that I had Strep Throat (this happened more than once). I decided that I needed to listen to what my body was telling me. I didn't feel good. I needed to stay home. I didn't want to get out of bed, I wanted to be sleeping. So I did.

And, sleep I did. I slept until noon, when I got up and had some vegetable broth, and kale with garlic and shiitake mushrooms. Nap. Broth. Nap. I continued to listen to what my body was craving. Garlic. Coconut water. Raw honey. Orange juice. Water. Sleep. The next day was more of the same. Sleep, OJ, sleep. I gave my body what it wanted, and sure, I was achey, headachey, sore throat, ear ache, sweating, cold, stomach ache, miserable, and extremely extremely tired and weak, but IT ONLY LASTED 2 DAYS! Now, I can't say for sure it was swine flu, as the symptoms are exactly the same as regular flu and I didn't have to go to the doctor as I was able to kick it and didn't fight it. But, what I do know, is... it only lasted 2 days! 2 miserable days, but only 2 of them. And, listening to my body, I am amazed with what it was asking for, it's sooo cool:

garlic: it's a natural antibiotic
coconut (oil for cooking, and water for drinking): antibacterial and antiviral
raw honey: antibacterial and antiviral
oj: vitamin c- immune support
kale: vitamin c- immune support (among other great nutrients found in this leafy green)
shiitake mushrooms: strengthen your immune system and your ability to fight infection

And, I was given a lovely bunch of flowers to brighten my day. Which, I have to say, does make you feel better. So, remember, if you are hit with the flu this season, swine or otherwise, please take care of yourself and give your body what it needs. Rest is the best remedy. Hope you are well. big kiss xxtbone

crazy for coconuts

A friend of mine called me a couple of nights ago in a panic. She was enjoying a snack of some lovely coconut when her boyfriend googled and found out that coconut has a lot of saturated fat, and told her to stop eating it immediately. She asked for my help to settle the fight. I promised this blog which was inspired by her conundrum.

First of all, coconut is rich in protein and is high in fiber. It is good for your digestive health in addition to a whole host of vitamins and minerals such as iodine which is great for thyroid health. It is also great for your metabolism. And, like other foods high in fiber, it can actually help lower blood pressure, stabilize blood sugar, and provide a vehicle to move excess fat and cholesterol out of the body.

But, to answer her question, the kind of saturated fat in coconut is actually very special and does not raise cholesterol or contribute to heart disease, you can learn more about this at: http://www.coconut-info.com/. Another benefit of coconut is that it is actually antibacterial and good for your immune system (this is common for foods that are white, like garlic).

But, what I think her boyfriend was saying is something a little bit different.... and I beg you... please eat fat, you need it, eating fat is not what makes you fat! You need it for a healthy brain, among other things. And, when you see "fat free" please read "full of chemicals", it's a safe bet that they had to replace it with something created in a lab. Please take care of yourself, and give your body what it needs. hope you are well, big kiss xxtbone

nervous=excited

I have always been terrified of guns. Growing up in New Hampshire I had a bb gun when I was a child, and have always had a fascination with old guns but have never held a loaded firearm. I know not to ever point a gun at anyone. I know that guns are dangerous. I know that guns are powerful and can really cause a lot of damage very quickly. Guns go against my pacifist nature. I never want to inflict pain or promote violence. That doesn't mean I haven't always secretly wanted to shoot a gun. A really really big gun.

In an effort to test my boundaries I went to a gun range and took a lesson. I wanted to shoot a gun. I wanted to learn how to do it safely. I didn't want to chicken out. I needed an appointment.

I was living my dream of holding a gun. I was honestly terrified. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it wrong. I didn't want to like it, but I did. I was sooo excited to shoot. I wanted any excuse to get out of it. I didn't want keep going but I didn't want to give up. I kept telling myself to think about it as being excited, and not terrified. 

I loved facing my fear. I loved feeling my fear. I loved that I loved shooting a gun! I loved the adrenaline rush I got from the terror and power of it all. I loved that my hands got sweaty, and my heart was racing, and I got all shaky and empowered. I know that I love to recommend that you try all kinds of things here on this blog. My recommendation this time is that you try something that scares you. Look at why it scares you, what about it exactly do you find terrifying? Could it be that it is exciting? Perhaps you're anxious to give it a try? Are you eager to feel the excitement that facing what you are afraid of will bring? Or maybe you're just afraid that you'll like it!

I encourage you to go out and give it a try. It doesn't have to be a trip to a gun range (although, you'll probably see me there! I'm totally into it now and can't wait to go again). It could be a skydiving lesson, or a bungee jump. Maybe you want to take a trapeze lesson. Or it could be something completely different like taking a tap dancing class, trying sushi, public speaking, or writing a blog. Feel the fear, and go for it. It's a good indicator that you'll probably learn something about yourself. Let me know how it goes. Hope you're well, big kiss xxtbone